5 Conversation Tips for Social Anxiety: How to Feel More Confident in Social Situations
- caitlyn50
- Aug 6
- 3 min read
If you live with social anxiety, even simple conversations can feel stressful. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, feel self-conscious while talking, or overanalyze everything afterward. Socializing can be challenging and it is impossible to know for sure what other people are thinking. But these doubts don’t have to control your ability to connect with others.
As a CBT therapist, I often work with clients to build social confidence by starting small and developing practical skills. Here are five gentle but effective tips to help make conversations feel more manageable.
1. Start Small (and build from there!)
In Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), we see the most progress when we work gradually. If conversations are intimidating, start with low-stakes situations. Try saying “hi” to your barista or making a short comment to a cashier. Then, work your way up to asking a brief question like “How’s your day going?” or making a lighthearted comment about the weather.
These interactions may still bring up discomfort at first, and that’s okay. Over time, as you have more of these small exchanges, your confidence begins to grow. Eventually, conversations at social gatherings or other settings that once felt out of reach become more doable.
2. Focus on Listening Instead of Performing
When you’re socially anxious, it’s easy to get caught in your own head. You might notice your heartbeat, feel flushed, or wonder if you’re saying something awkward. This kind of hyperawareness can make it harder to stay present and actually enjoy the conversation.
Instead, shift your focus outward. Try really listening to what the other person is saying. Notice their tone, facial expressions, or body language. Reflect their words back or ask a small follow-up question. Active listening not only helps reduce anxiety, it also builds connection. You don’t have to be entertaining or clever to be a great conversationalist; being present and curious is more than enough.
3. When in Doubt, Ask a Question
Don’t know what to say? That’s okay - just get the other person talking. Many people enjoy sharing about themselves, and asking open-ended questions takes the pressure off you to come up with something to say.
It helps to keep a few go-to questions in your back pocket. For example:
“Did you do anything fun this weekend?”
“Have you seen any good movies or shows lately?”
“How did you meet your partner?”
These questions open the door to connection and give you something to respond to. If someone doesn’t seem interested in chatting, that’s okay too—your effort still counts, and you can use it as a learning experience for next time.
4. Normalize the Pause
One of the most uncomfortable parts of conversation for socially anxious folks is the dreaded silence. But here’s a secret: pauses are normal. Everyone experiences them, even extroverts. A moment of quiet doesn’t mean you’re boring or have messed up.
Try not to rush to fill the space. Take a breath. You can even say something simple like, “I was just thinking about what to say!” or “Let me take a second to think.” These pauses are humanizing and can actually help deepen the flow of the conversation.
5. Practice with Safe People First
Building conversational confidence doesn’t have to start in high-pressure settings. If you're working on your social anxiety, start by practicing conversations with people you already feel comfortable around, like friends, family, or coworkers you trust.
You can also seek out supportive environments like group therapy, community meetups, or online forums where the stakes feel lower. Practicing with safe people helps you build the skills and self-trust to navigate more challenging conversations later on.
Final Thoughts
The fear of being judged, saying the wrong thing, or not knowing what to say can be overwhelming, but it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to avoid conversations forever. With practice, compassion, and small, intentional steps, you can start to feel more confident and authentic in how you connect with others.
Struggling with Social Anxiety? Therapy Can Help.
If social anxiety is getting in the way of your relationships, career, or day-to-day life, CBT can help. I specialize in working with adults, teens and college students navigating anxiety and social fears using evidence-based therapy, both in-person near San Jose and online throughout California.
Together, we’ll identify what keeps your anxiety going and practice real-world strategies—at your pace—that help you feel more present, connected, and self-assured.
Caitlyn Oscarson, LMFT
Licensed Therapist and Anxiety Expert
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